


i don't believe in an interventionist god

by corporate_hotline



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Blue Lily Lily Blue, basically 2 boys talking about religion and being in love that’s it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25064386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corporate_hotline/pseuds/corporate_hotline
Summary: “why do you believe in god?”“why don’t you?”“i asked first”“exactly”
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 10
Kudos: 112





	i don't believe in an interventionist god

**Author's Note:**

> title is from nick cave's "into my arms"
> 
> this is only edited by me bc no one knows i wrote this so if there’s a mistake i’m so sorry!!! i haven’t written anything since i was like 14 im sorry if this is rough
> 
> i hope you enjoy~
> 
> (ps adam mentions his dad once so i tagged it with the abuse, idk if it’s rlly necessary given the canon context but just so u know)

“Why do you believe in God?”

He’s laying on the floor of his shitty apartment when he says it, not really thinking of what he’s actually asking. Ronan is only a few feet away on his equally shitty mattress in a weird reversal of their normal sleeping spots. Ronan lifts his head to look at Adam and raises an eyebrow.

“Why _don’t_ you believe in God?” 

Adam shrugs. “I asked you first.”

“Exactly why you should answer me first,” he says, laying back down. Adam tears his gaze away from Ronan and looks back at the ceiling. For a minute, neither of them says a word, the only sound in the room being the occasional mysterious creak of wood that comes with old buildings like this one. 

When Adam speaks again, his voice has gone quiet. “My father believed in God.” Ronan looks up at that. “He went to church. Every Sunday. And then he would come home and beat the crap out of me and my mother. I guess I just thought that any God that would let a father treat his kid like that wasn’t a God that was worth believing in.” He paused. “No offense.”

The silence fills the room once more. Adam didn’t like talking about his father in any context, but somehow this conversation was harder than most. Adam knew how Ronan felt about Niall Lynch. Ronan’s father was absent and detached, and Ronan worshipped him. Adam also knew that Niall was one of the only reasons Ronan continued going to church. Talking about his father, talking about his disdain for religion, Adam felt like he was taking all things Ronan coveted and smearing them through the mud. 

“It was easier to have faith when I was younger. Before –” Ronan trails off there, letting Adam fill in the blanks. _Before my dad died. Before my mother fell asleep for what felt like forever. Before I dreamt up magical fucking creatures and let them live in my house. Before one of my dreams almost killed me._ “At my dad’s funeral, some great aunt I had never met came up to me and Declan, and said our father was going to Hell. The way she looked at me, I could tell she thought I was going there, too. And I thought, if there’s a Hell, there must be a Heaven. If there’s a Devil, there must be a God. So, I just believe in that.”

What Ronan doesn’t tell him is that he only goes to church for Matthew these days. What Ronan doesn’t tell him is that he’s finding it harder and harder to believe in a God that would let so much pain into his life. What Ronan doesn’t tell him is that he sort of agrees with Adam, in a way.

What Ronan also doesn’t tell him is that all life that wasn’t from dreams must have come from somewhere else. Somewhere holy and divine. Somewhere pure enough to create a person that was so complex and wonderful and beautiful that they couldn’t have come from a dream. A person like Adam Parrish. 

“You’re not, you know.” Ronan can feel Adam’s heavy gaze on him from the floor. He lets his eyes fall shut, refusing to look down.

“I’m not what? English, Parrish.”

“Going to hell,” he breathes out. “I mean, I don’t know if I really believe in all that, but if I did, there’s no way you’d be in Hell.” 

Ronan does open his eyes at that, turning to look at Adam on the floor next to him. His pupils were wide in the darkness of the room, and he was looking at Ronan like he was more sure of what he just said than of anything else in his entire life. Ronan had to look away, choosing instead to cover his eyes with one arm and allowing the other to dangle off the edge of the mattress. “Is that right? Just what about me screams ‘heavenly.’”

From the floor, Adam doesn’t answer, instead choosing to focus on Ronan’s hand, hanging just a few inches away from his own. On how easy it would be to make the tiny movement and hold it in his own. Ronan would let it happen. 

Adam is pretty sure Ronan would let him do whatever he wanted. 

Adam is, on some level, aware of how Ronan feels. He’s not an idiot. He just chooses to ignore it, most of the time. He doesn’t give it much thought, because it feels like something he should very much not be thinking about. Because if he does think about it, he might realize that he doesn’t mind when Ronan stares at him when he thinks he won’t notice. He might realize that he stares back, most of the time. And if he realizes that, he doesn’t know what he would do. So he just doesn’t think about it.

But tonight, he gives in. 

What about Ronan is heavenly? Besides the fact that he can literally create life. Nothing about Ronan seems real, most of the time. His eyes are an unworldly blue, his tattoo is an impossible black. Everything about him, both his personality and his appearance, was pure black and white. He did not leave room for compromise. He was all sharp edges and hard lines. The things he hated, he hated with a passion, and the things he loved, he loved with even more passion. He was always honest, he could always be trusted. He cared for the people he loved with a terrifying ferocity that Adam could not even begin to understand. He was gentle with people he liked and cruel with the people he didn’t. 

Ronan Lynch was supernatural and wonderful, a beautiful enigma of contradictions. And Adam Parrish wants him.

He focuses his attention on Ronan’s hand again. Long, pale fingers, smooth and elegant in comparison to Adam’s calloused, boyish hands. Ronan was still laying with his arm over his eyes, breathing even. Adam reaches out. 

“Everything,” he says softly. His fingers ghost over the back of Ronan’s hand, before he slides their hands together properly, palm to palm, fingers intertwined. Ronan’s breath hitches, before he slowly sits up, looking at their hands. 

“Parrish. What are you doing.” It isn’t a question, so Adam doesn’t answer. He gently rubs his thumb across the backs of Ronan’s knuckles and pulls himself into a seated position. 

“I don’t know. What do you want me to do?” Ronan tenses slightly and moves to pull his hand back. 

“Fucking _Christ_ , Adam, you can’t just say shit like that, not when—“ 

He is abruptly cut off by a sharp tug on his wrist and Adam’s lips meeting his own. 

In this moment, Ronan feels more sure in his faith than he has in years. Because Ronan has dreamt of Adam a million times, but nothing could compare to this. This, this kiss, divine and unreal, Adam’s hand on the back of his neck, his pulse pounding in sync with Ronan’s. 

Adam is kissing him, really kissing him. Adam, who works himself ragged but still made time for Ronan to come over. Adam, who forces Ronan to talk about God and religion when they should both probably be sleeping. Adam, who had not come from a dream and who had his own free will. Adam, his Adam, Adam Parrish.

Ronan makes a note to be extra grateful in his prayers this Sunday. 

**Author's Note:**

> tbh didn’t know how to end this so i hope that was acceptable oops
> 
> i think i'm about 3 years too late for this fandom but if anyone actually reads this i hope you liked it!! maybe comment with suggestions or even just to say u enjoyed, i don’t rlly do this ever but i would love to write more if there’s an audience for it :)
> 
> find me on tumblr @ corporate-hotline !! idk how to link things on ao3 nor do i know how to use tumblr plz teach me :P


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